have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the night ended with taco bell and tears
3pm strippers are depressing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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