i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
