yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
