I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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