I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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