I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
