I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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