I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
