and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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