I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
