Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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