UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i think my cat just said my name.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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