we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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