I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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