I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
