i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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