I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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