the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
