There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
