Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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