i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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