Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sarcasm needs its own font
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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