Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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