i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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