best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
