I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
