I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
