I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There are leaves in my underwear?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
