1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
