they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
