A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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