Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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