i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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