Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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