I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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