Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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