dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
