I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
