Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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