I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
