Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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