Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
