This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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