We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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