I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize