Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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