so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
