I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently you make a good broom.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
there is glitter all over my balls
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