The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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