Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
