with your own penis?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
