wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
