before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
