Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
