There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
