totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
