Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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