i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm passing your future prison.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize