I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pants are for mortals
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
