I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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