Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize