I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
