but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
