shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
