Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
