i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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