i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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