I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
