This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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